We've all heard about the spirit of Mumbai, and about how indomitable it is. After all, it's been a convenient totem pole for CNN-IBN and NDTV to lift their hind leg and piss on, every time there's a blast in Mumbai. When a Bangalorean gives another Bangalorean water or food because they've been stuck in some traffic jam for a day, it's just humanity on display. But when a Mumbaikar does the same, he is a showcase of the "Spirit of Mumbai". Luckily, Bengaluru does not have day-long traffic jams, so I guess that compensates our not having a city spirit to some extent...
When the stock market goes up the day trading reopens after a blast, it's because the spirit of mumbai guides it up, in response to terrorism. I guess the traders milling around in the trading floor of the Bombay Stock Exchange hear some aakashwani the morning after every blast "Thou shalt not be spooked by the bombs in your home. Main hoon na..". This leads to a feeding frenzy among the traders, like sharks who sense blood. So they go on a rampage buying up every stock they can spot. Well, apparently, the spirit of Mumbai went bust over the year, with the stock market falling from 21000 to 9000 in 10 months of 2008. So when the blasts happened and the markets opened, the aakashwani just went "Okay, I've got no money to gamble, and I've got 13 million mouths to feed... I got nothing to say to you guys...", which was why the sensex grazed around aimlessly and randomly ended up higher than the previous close. Not much they can do when the spirit is out of the money, eh?
The day after the first night of attacks, Mumbai was shut, and its spirit laid back at home, resting, watching shitty coverage by CNN-IBN and NDTV... and tweeting in the #mumbai channel. However, the day after that, it got fully aroused as the terrorists were no longer roaming the streets and were confined to Taj, Oberoi and Nariman House. Then it decided that as it can afford only vada-pav, it won't be going to those two hotels for lunch and declared that it will go to work. To show the terrorists that it will not be cowed down by hollow(?) threats. So our spirited Mumbaikar goes to office to do its world-changing job of pushing a pen against paper for seven hours with an hours break in between. On the way, theres rumors of firings at CST. This causes the spirit to drop everything and run. All of Mumbai was on the streets in a hurry to get back. Doesn't that contradict the official version of the spirit? Should it not have gone to the station to get blown up anyway? I'm confused.... How is it an indomitable spirit if a rumor of some firings can turn its legs to jelly?
Now there's a bunch of Mumbaikars that want to get tipsy drinking (and drinking to) the spirit of Mumbai in the very same cafe that was attacked by the terrorists not more than a few hours ago. Cafe Leopold that was attacked by the terrorists denies stag entry. So maybe the terrorists were just a bunch of pissed-off moose who were denied a fun night-out and decided to get in anyways.... How's that for a twist in investigations?
Again, back to the spirit... Don't you dare show sympathy to the Mumbaikar. He doesn't need your sympathy. All he demands is your applause when, two days after he broke both of his legs in a fall, he gets up and walks, to show you how manly he is. Maybe you should go "Salaam Bombay. I slow clap in your general direction"
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*ClapClapClapClap*
Hopefully that should make him proud of what he is... And inspire him to run a marathon two days after the next incident (the one where both his legs get chopped off by a meat cleaver). Bravo... A logical extension of this ad, perhaps?
